How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
