I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
