do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
