So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
