allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
