Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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