I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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