so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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