i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
