she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
