Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
