I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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