A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
whose parrot is this?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
