I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
