I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
