i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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