You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
