I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
