Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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