Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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