I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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