So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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