WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
