The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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