I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
