Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
