peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
