My liver just broke up with me...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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