dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
