For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
