I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
