btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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