then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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