Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
