I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
