Jerry, you need to find god
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
