This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
