need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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