BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
