Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
