She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I look better un-naked...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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