look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
