I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
