for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
