Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
