return my video game
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
