if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
