This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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