you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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