Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
